I am frustrated

Dont know why. I tried to relax and meditate unsuccessfully.

I am thinking of death a lot this morning...I am finding it difficult to cope with. Is it that or something else?



I want to be with lots of people suddenly. I want to get on phone and call very one I know and chat my life away. Somehow even that feels like may not be enough. It is one of those days when you feel very lonely, no matter what you do, does not matter even if you communicate with the whole world....... you might not find peace. I have not.



Music?



I asked my care giver to get the i pod nano and fix the ear pieces. G - my daughter has got that for me. It had all songs sung by my wife - she was a great singer...



But NO.



NOT ENOUGH.



I want the world to stop revolving and take notice of my pain.



I want the wind to spread the word about my pain to the world.



I want the clouds to cry for me.



I want the sun and moon blink and the stars disappear for a bit.



I want the whole world to be there and be gone at the same time.



It is difficult when you watch yourself go down slowly.



you feel you are not this body - you are occupying this body which is refusing to listen to you....



You want it all to end soon- get it over and done with - you want things to get better overnight -YOU WANT a miracle....









You want to die and live in the same breath...